Me and Kapha
by Christina
by Christina
My journey
this season with Ayurveda had been moving along smoothly until about the middle
of last week. Then I hit a wall of thick slow energy that took hold deep down
and has been tugging at me ever since.
As a vata kapha, I struggle with kapha, largely because I fear it and
the power it seems to have over me.
Awakening over the past year or so to Ayurveda and my dosha type, I am
more kindly and directly facing kapha and its imbalances. I find it the most
challenging of all the doshas--and along with it, winter the most challenging
of all the seasons.
I've been
doing the body-based yoga practice Juliet recommended over the past few weeks
and through that have found my work is focused on an important task: finding
flow and lightness as I try to keep my feet grounded into the earth.
In my first
body-based yoga practice, my body struggled to both feel the ground and let go
of the stiff and weighted energy that lay dormant in my body so that I could
flow freely and organically. I decided
to attend to the grounding energy of my feet and core, relaxing into earth
without worrying about the vata energy that was flying crazily around me. Soon
I found a moment--a very short moment--of equilibrium. I felt my feet plant firmly and my body
lighten and feel open. It was
refreshing, but when the heaviness returned soon after that practice, it felt
heavier and sludgier than ever. It was
as though I had opened my body and welcomed the energy that I fight against so
frequently. And it left me mired in the sludge.
Probably does not sound like a positive experience, but I'm starting to
understand that it is what I need to face in this juncture.
At one point
in Juliet's Saturday class, I was in malasana and I thought, this is it. This
is the shit that I resist, despise, and from which I always disconnect. I felt it deeply in my hips as I struggled to
find a comfortable moment in the position.
But then I tried to relax and started to focus on my core and pressing
my big toe into the earth. I then felt
something moving--that dark energy moving around and making space for something
else. My butt settled down closer to
earth and I felt lighter in my heart. I
could feel that the sludge did not have to take over. The feeling was again momentary, but what I realized
this time was that I can plug into that darker heavier energy and find places
to move and shift. I can play with this
energy instead of fearing and dreading it.
I realized the real work of my body in the juncture and the season: to
play with kapha.
Writing and
saying it sounds both silly and impossible. Nevertheless, it is my goal. I know
I missed our meeting in December, but I am working on finding ways to play on my own and hopefully will find
some support and sharing at our next meeting.
This is something that I'm sure I'll keep returning to in the months to
come this winter season. I wish you all a wonderful holiday and season as you
work on your own shifts and transformations!
